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Dionysus: Fairytales and reality

05/10/06 || Lord K Philipson

Global Domination Supreme Court: “All rise and give your attention. The honorable Justices of the Global Domination Supreme Court. This court is now in session. Sit the fuck down, bitches.”

(... everyone sits the fuck down…)

Global Domination Supreme Court: “Dionysus, you are charged with sucking and for playing complete and utter pussy-metal, how do you plead?”

Dionysus: “Guilty as fuck, Your Honor! And we have the new album to prove it.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “And a suitable punishment would be?”

Dionysus: “Force us to listen to our overly pretentious bullshit power metal 24/7. We have all kinds of nice solos and wankery going on. Topped with a mid-to-high pitched German vocalist named Olaf. He actually sings ok. Despite the fact that we have more cheese in our music than what is considered healthy, we are quite talented.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “Yes, you are obviously talented but so is the Global Domination Universal Penis. It finds holes everywhere and your music is infested with holes. F.e, what do you think we should do about those incredibly lame choruses you guys are having everywhere? That’s not a very nice thing to do, now is it?”

Dionysus: “We are very sorry for those, Your Honor.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “Being sorry simply won’t cut it, bitches.”

Dionysus: “Does it help that our drummer Ronny, and we are sorry we can’t spell his last name even under gunpoint, is a friend of The Lord?”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “That would make things worse, so in a way it helps.”

Dionysus: “Ok, sorry about that as well then.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “Ronny, is it true that you have said the following about “Fairytales and reality”: ” -This album is so good that you would throw away all other cds you got only to have this one. It will make you drink beer like crazy. It will make your neighbors[sic] your worst enemies. It will make you a true metal warrior.”

Ronny: “Yes. I lied. Sorry.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “A fucken “metal warrior”?! What the fuck are you, 5 years old?”

Ronny: “I smoke crack. Sometimes it shows. This is one of those times.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “You DO know that you have the word “fairy” in the album title? Is that connecting to the music somehow?”

Dionysus: “Yes, Your Honor. We play gay-music. Also known as “power metal”, one of the shittiest genres to ever surface.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “You guys are beyond help. I have no other choice than to incarcerate you lot for a fucken eternity. We simply can’t have you fuckers, and the likes of you, polluting the music scene with yet another album. Thrice is enough, and you know this. It doesn’t matter that yer album cover looks nice.”

Dionysus: “Yes, we know. If we get out on parole sometime, we promise to look for our balls coz fuck knows playing this music really proves the lack of such. Again, we are very sorry about this.”

Global Domination Supreme Court: “You fucken should be! Shame on you! Now, go share the padded cell with pretentious motherfuckers like Nightwish and stay the fuck out of our website.”

Dionysus: “Yes, Your Honor. We apologize again and take the 3 out of 10 rating that we are given based only on the fact that we can play our instruments and make cheese with the best of them.”

Information
Released: 2006
Label: AFM Records
Website: www.das-buero-jaeger.de/dionysus
Convicts
Olaf Hayer: vocals
Nobby Noberg: bass
Kaspar Dahlqvist: keyboards
Johnny Öhlin: guitars
Ronny Milianowicz: drums

Tracklist
01. Illusion of life
02. The orb
03. Blinded
04. The world
05. Spirit
06. Queen of madness
07. The game
08. True at heart
09. Tides will turn
10. Dreamchaser
11. Time will tell (demo)
12. Bringer of salvation (demo)

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